Searching

As far back as I can remember.

I have been searching.

Looking for myself.

I am not sure that everyone is like this.

But.

I am a seeker.

Always will be.

It seems.

My friend tells me that if I say

I don't know who I am

It is a good thing.

It means that I am on the right path.

I don't know who I am.

Yet, I am not satisfied with this statement in this moment.

Perhaps the strains of motherhood are taking their toll.

I have lost the joy of just being.

I am broken open.

An empty shell inside.

A void.

No laughter.

No smile.

Just empty.

I have always loved beautiful things.

I am so involved in the daily grind.

I struggle to see the beauty.

Of course reading this, I think I am absurd.

Look.

Look at all the beauty around you.

But.

I just go through the motions.

I long for a moment of pampering.

Where someone is pressing my feet.

Massaging the tension away.

Wrapping me up in a warm, fluffy robe.

Serving me fresh, organic food.

And healing herbal tea.

Where I practice yoga on top of a mountain.

Where there are no demands on me.

Where I can sit with myself.

And no one else.

And have a peek into who I am once again.

We are part of a huge tapestry.

Every thread has a purpose.

I am but a single thread.

I am know that all is meant to be as it is.

So I walk through the discomfort of my life right now.

For it is so.

And that is how it should be.

In this moment.

Right now.